Morning shakes

It's been awhile since I was shaking and sick to my stomach on the way to campus. No, I don't have a major exam. No I am not ill or malnourished. I was full of nervous energy thinking about my workout today.

It's been too long since I've gotten a good dose of fear in the morning. The quesions of "Will I make it?", "How fast can I go today?", and "I hope I don't throw up" raced through my mind as I drove to the gym on campus. Somehow I know on a gut level that if I don't fear my workout, if I don't intentionally put myself in an uncomfortable situation, then I'll never see meaningful results.

Part of exercise for me goes beyond the physical training. The mental strength, courgage, and fortitude required to rise before the sun in order to face something that I'd rather not are integral things to training for me. What good is a capable body without a capable mind? What good is a sports car if you only use it to get groceries?

So, in addition to the nervous shakes and feeling nauseated, I felt a sense of joy that has been missing from my routine lately. After 15 minutes of sprints, situps and back extensions, I was lying on mat, making a sweat angel while trying to breathe, and thinking about how happy I am to be alive.

Back to work!

Well, school has started and it's back to 50-60 hr weeks as the norm. I accepted a GSI (Graduate Student Instructor) position for the semseter and so far it looks like it's going to a lot of work. Preparing lesson plans, performing assignments, etc with the intention to educate those that are uninterested in a course is going to be a challenge to say the least.

However, despite the outlook of a very heavy workload this semester, I do have all of my tuition and fees waived which is a pretty good incentive to get to campus by 7:00 and stay till I'm done for the day. So, it's back to work. It isn't a terrible life I must say.

On the rapidly diminishing "fun side" of life, I just purchased a new mountain bike frame. Notice I said frame and not just a bike. I'm going to be building a new bike from the ground up this winter and it's going to be a lot of fun... I hope. The bike will be what's commonly called a "96'er" or a "69er" which means it will have a 29" wheel in front and a 26" wheel in the rear. Not that it matters to most of you, but there are some mechanical advantages to this type of setup. The real reason I chose this route is that it's different than what most people are doing . It appears that I may have inherited my father's dislike of following the herd.

I haven't ridden much lately due to travel and getting ready for school. Now that things are back to a more predictable routine I'm hoping to log some good quality miles this fall.

That's about it , until next time,

Chris

Ride Log: 8-22-2010

Rode the Highland state rec area today with Brian. We were planning on riding all the loops for a total of 16.5 miles, but the hills caught us off guard. We wound up shortening the trip to just under 10.

The ride was very technical in places, including climbs. By the end of the ride, Brian's crank arm was loose (it has a bad habit of doing that) and my head set had worked itself loose( i suspect it was a little loose to start though). We'll be back on Tuesday to try it again.

Anyway, it was easily my favorite trail I've ridden South of the Mackinaw Bridge.

Until Next Time,

Chris

Summary

Lately I've been riding my mountian bike with Brian. He's one of the guys who lived on my floor freshman year and happens to live in the area. It's awfully nice to have someone else to ride with. I put a new suspension fork and front brake on and it's been a real treat learning how to ride a bike that feels brand new.

Being a resident of suburbia, I've been feeling a need to go into wilderness lately. I've decided I want to find a place where I can practice survival techniques in a relatively controlled environment. Basically I want to find a place nearby where I can make fires, build shelters, hunt small game, etc where I can easily walk back out to my vehicle/ safety if I decide I need to. It might be a pipe dream in this area, but I'll keep looking. I'd really like to find someone to go practice with, but that might be asking a bit too much.

Until next time,

Chris

Ride Log: 8-2-2010

Lakeshore Park

7.5 miles

48 minutes

Not a good ride today. Was hungry before the ride and definitely felt the effects of being low on fuel. My legs were sluggish, but the larger effect was a lack of focus and concentration. I wasn't able to watch the trail ahead of me and as a result I found myself having several close calls. I even had my wheels slide out from under me due to a lapse in concentration. I shortened the ride to avoid an injury or even a repeat of yesterdays wreck.

Notes:

the mind needs fuel as much as the body does. Eat before riding.

Ride Log: 8-1-2010

Lakeshore Park

10 miles,

58 minutes

Tire Pressures: 40/45 psi (f/r)

Good ride. The rain last week is finally dried out for the most part so the trail was typically good smooth hardpack. A few muddy spots and the sides of the trail were soft. Spent the ride working on trying to stay in my largest chainring and accelerating before hills so I could get up them easier. Things worked pretty well for the most part. I noticed that I still have a tendency to look right in front of my tire rather than down the trail. I was able to go much faster when I was looking where I wanted to be going rather than where I was already.

Prior to the ride I lowered the spring rate in my fork (Rock Shox Judy J1) for a little more compliance. Turns out that it rtracks much bettter in the turns, but on some of the obstacles(logs), it absorbed all of my forward momentum. I guess I just need to unload the front in that case to get it over whatever it is I'm going over (logs, rocks, woodland animals, etc). I like it where it is and may reduce the spring rate even more for Lakeshore park. Not a lot of big bumps there.

Had a good crash at about mile 9.5. The front wheel drifted oof the trail and sunk into some soft stuff. I flipped over the handle bars and managed to knock the handlebars out of alignment. No serious damage to myself or the bike.

Notes for next time:

1) Focus on looking ahead and accelerating at every opportunity

2) Lower spring rate if riding lakeshore park, leave if going to brighton or pontiac

Oops!

So I've realized that I ought to update this silly thing regularly rather than wait for inspiration. It seems that every time I think about writing something, I decide it's not important enough and then nothing gets written.

So I guess that needs to change.

Now I just need to think of something to write. Maybe later ;)

Reflections on the Sabbath

I've been working hard lately. Really hard. I've been pushing my physical and mental capacities to the limit at school. Right now I'm sitting downstairs wide awake because my body refuses to sleep past 7:00. It's used to waking up earlier so I guess 7:00 could be considered sleeping in.

With the work I've been doing lately, it's hard to keep myself recharged spiritually and in tune with God. I do have some time to do so during the week, but there are times that the problems I'm working on literally invade my thoughts and even my sleep. It makes it nearly impossible to focus on other things I woke up yesterday after I dreamed about the solution to a computer modeling error. The solution turned out to be correct. That brings to mind another story about my father working on a wiring harness in his pajamas because of a similar situation. Maybe it's a weird chromosome that lets us keep working on a problem even when we are asleep.

I know I'm studying the right stuff because I wouldn't be excited to go back to the labs at 7:00 am when I left at midnight the previous night. Yes I am excited. I truly enjoy what I'm doing even though it is the hardest thing I've ever had to do from an academic standpoint.

That being said, Sunday is a day I do my absolute best to keep as a day of rest. I'll spend time in prayer, go to church, probably take a nap, spend time with Lauren, and enjoy whatever the day may bring. I'll let Lauren sleep in, we'll go to 11:00 service at church, and proceed from there at a leisurely pace.

We are blessed enough that we don't have to work on Sunday to feed ourselves and keep a roof over our heads. It is fitting then that I take the day to praise Jesus and worship him.

All throttle, no brake

I've spent 40+ hours in the last three days at school. I've been trying to figure out a problem with some of my homework. Something in me has a really hard time with sitting back and accepting a job less than well done.

In the mean time, I'm going to go grab a burger and a beer. It's time to relax spend a little time at home.

Well, it's another early Saturday morning in the Warren household. I was up by six and Lauren was out the door before 8. Up until this point, today has been hardly distinguishable from Monday through Friday.

What on earth are two people in their mid twenties doing up so early on a Saturday morning? The answer is simply that neither Lauren or I are very good at being lazy. I'm just about to leave to help a friend install a new furnace. Lauren is headed to volunteer at a "girls in engineering" event. In all honesty, I like not breaking the rhythm of the rest of the week. I feel like much of the day is wasted if I'm not out of bed before 7:00. It's amazing the things that carry over from your parents, even in cases where you might resist them as a child.

Well, I suppose I ought to get going. If there is something I like less than wasting time it's being late. So, enjoy your weekend. I know I will.

Music

I realized today why I have found Christian rap and hard rock to be the mainstay of my music collection. Much of it has to do with the lyrics. Most of the music classified under the Contemporary Christian Music (CCM for short) is full of vapid repetition and fails to recognize the real difficulties of living a Christian life in this world and also fails to provide release for some of the pent up frustrations people have growing up.

Don't get me wrong, there is absolutely a place for adoration and praise of Jesus. However, when music and lyrics become one dimensional, like "Jesus, Jesus, my Jesus" repeated ad-nauseum, it makes complete sense as to why many people view the whole CCM genre as junk. I can hardly blame them.

Another week

So another week has come and gone and I'm pretty much in equilibirum at school. I'm getting homework finished, understanding concepts, and finding more and more ways to spend quality time with Lauren. Life is good.

I woke up this morning at 5:30 again so I could work out prior to my 8:30 class. Sitting in bed after turning of the alarm clock, I really didn't want to get up, really didn't want to go to the gym , and I absolutely wanted nothing to do with another workout that would stress my body to the point of nausea. I got up anyway.

Yesterday I read that

"Performance directly correlates with intensity. Intensity directly correlates with being uncomfortable." -Greg Glassman

While this was written in regards to athletic training, I think it transfers to life pretty well. Consistently choosing to get up early and get going, choosing to push as hard as you can instead of coast, choosing to do the hard things rather than the easy is what separates the people who excel from everyone else.

I learned something about myself today while at the gym. For most of my life, I've been content to coast because even coasting I was "ahead of the curve". The reality is that when I look back at the points in my life that I really made an impact or accomplished something extraordinary are the same points where I consistently chose to pursue my goal with vigor. The times I elected to be uncomfortable.

Because I have the capacity for intense focus and drive, I like to think of myself as driven and highly motivated individual. I am not. I to endeavor to change this, rather than be content with coasting, I want to find out exactly what I can do. I want to push my limits because doing so expands them.

Simple observation

I have made a lot of comparisons between the education, teaching styles, and environments that exist at Michigan Tech and at the University of Michigan. However, I had a realization today that explains much of my observations and really gets at the heart of the matter.

First, a few definitions. An engineer (from my perspective) is someone who applies science and scientific principles to a problem in an attempt to generate a solution. The motivation varies but the end result is the solution to a practical problem.

A scientist (again from my perspective) is someone who again uses science and scientific principles to further understand the physical world. Again, the motivation varies but the end result in this case is the advancement of knowledge, not necessarily a solution to a practical problem.

Ignoring the fact that most engineers have a little scientist in them and some scientists have a little engineer in their blood, my observation is this:

Michigan Tech is aimed at creating engineers. The University of Michigan is aimed at creating scientists.

Maybe that's why when Tech plays U of M in hockey, the taunt "Michigan engineers drive trains, Choo Choo!" rings out....

Settling in

Today I claimed my space in the grad student office located in the basement of my building. I am supposed to share the space with another MSE student, but at the moment I don't believe he is too interested in using the space. Thus, I suppose I will occupy the area until changes need to be made.

I have now been in grad school for a little over a month. I am studying for my first exam and am finally getting back into the rhythm of academic life. It is taxing to say the least and I think Lauren wonders when she will get her husband back. Unfortunately, I don't ever expect that I will see her as much as I did when I was unemployed and waiting for school. School and work will probably demand much of my attention until I retire.

I have also settled into a workout routine. 4 days each week I arrive on campus by 7:30 and go to the gym. I attack a workout designed to stress my body, take a sauna, shower and then get on with my day. It really seems to make a difference in how well the rest of my day goes.

Fighting through

I'm not sure where I learned to be stubborn. Perhaps it was watching my mom struggle through law school. Maybe it was watching my father complete the Iditarod despite a severely injured leg. I don't know.

This morning I found myself in the gym, halfway through a workout I really didn't want to start looking at the clock and I realized I was at a tipping point. I could quit, which was a completely rational idea given that I was feeling nauseated and my parking meter was going to expire. The other option was to accept the discomfort and continue to the end of the workout.

The larger issue here is whether I can live with myself as someone who quit. The answer is no. Yes it's just a workout. Yes there will be another one. Yes there may be consequences to not quitting. Fundamentally I don't feel as though I can just walk away when something gets hard.

I feel there is a lot of value of persistence in the face of adversity. I want to thank everyone along the way who helped me develop that characteristic. It has served me well..

Bitter taste of Disappointment

Let me set the stage for you. It's 1:00am, I've just returned from the computer labs where I've been working since 9:00 yesterday morning to finish my math and hydrology homework. For the first time that I can remember, I've decided not to do some of my homework because I don't have the time to finish it.

I should be in bed. Indeed, I need to wake up in 4 1/2 hours. However, I am at this point mad instead of tired. Mad at myself for letting homework and poor time management beat me. I guess I could get worked up about it, but at this point I can only do one thing: adapt.

I'll be a lot more focused from here on out when it comes to school work. As much as I hate to admit it,I've been really unproductive lately and failing to complete a homework assignment that I've had a week to do is unacceptable. Time to go to bed so I can get a little bit of rest and attack school tomorrow. Watch out book and problems, I'm pissed.

Winter musings

So it's supposed to snow 5-9 inches by tomorrow morning and one would think the storm of the century is moving in if I paid any attention to my email. My University of Michigan inbox is flooded with announcements that several extra-curricular events have been rescheduled in anticipation of the storm.

After some tought on what appears to be (from my perspective) an over-reaction, I have some reflections:

1) This is definitely not the UP 5"-9" of white stuff would harly slow down the UP and students at Tech and Northern would curse as they cleaned their car off for the 5th day in a row. That's about it. People would still attend events and they would be on time. I distinctly remember attending a presentation at Tech where the presenter was 15 minutes late due to snow. His first statement was "I don't know how you do it, but everyone here can drive in the snow!" Somewhere in the crowd, I heard one of my Yooper buddies ask "Doesn't everyone?"

2) Adults like to whine and children are honest. I was watching a lady at Meijer walk out of the store towards her car. As soon as she stepped out of the store, an awful scowl fell on her face and she looked miserable despite being tucked deep in her parka. She also had two 6 year old boys with her. They were wearing coats halfway unzipped and no hats, yet they were still as happy outside as they had been inside. No change of expression and no visible discomfort. Perhaps the lady was miserable because she expected to be miserable and her boys were happy because they were reacting to the wonders of the world. That is some food for thought.

3) My tires are terrible in sloppy conditions. Yes the roads were not in good shape today. However, when a van with nearly bald tires can get through an intersection before my car in the snow, I think I might have some traction problems.

4) Snow is better than sunshine. Yes I may be consoderd crazy for that statement, but I have been smiling all day. Snowing since 7:00 am and I can't seem to stop smiling.... Good thing I've got clothing for that "massive" amount of snow I'll be trudging through tomorrow... I can hardly wait.

rant continued

So I did sit through 2 hours of wasted meeting time.

On the plus sid ei found out that I'm actually going to be able to move forward in the coming weeks. That bit of good news certainly changed my mood for the day.

Time to vent a little....

I'm waiting in my departmental lounge for a meeting that I really don't want to attend. My research group has two people working on a project that has massive issues with the computer model they are working on. The two students working on it have been working independently thus far( different aspects of the project) and for the past three weeks we've spent 45 minutes listening to each of them explain that (in my own words) " The model is broken and at this point is useless."

So, my fervent hope is that they decided to work together on troubleshooting the code so I don't have to sit through 90 minutes of the same "it isn't working and I don't know why" drivel that I have listened to for far too long already. I guess it's a good thing I grabbed a cup of coffee so I don't fall asleep this time.

My own research has been moving at an agonizingly slow pace. The computer model I am supposed to verify is now two weeks late in arriving. I am supposed to be collecting data that I can use to test the model, but it's awfully hard to do that when I don't know what inputs the model needs and I don't know what output it generates. On top of that, my advisor's attention is primarily directed elsewhere because there isn't much to do with what I've got.

There are so many little things here at U of M that simply poorly thought out and even more poorly executed. Lets take building access for example. As a person who is paying a good deal of money to attend this "glorious instituiton", I expect to be able to have access to the computer labs and my office when I need to use them. This occasionally falls outside the time domain of 7:00a am to 11:00 pm. Instead of granting me access by default (NOT THAT DIFFICULT TO DO) to my "home" building, I have to make a special request. The same was necessary to even use the computer labs on North Campus. It really wouldn't be that hard to take the information of who is enrolled in a class on North Campus and grant them computer and building access automatically, would it?

Continuing on my rant, I want to know why it is acceptable to be late for everything on this campus. It's a phenomenon called "Michigan Time." That's a little arrogant, I know a lot of places in Michigan where starting an event ten minutes or more late EVER TIME would get you fired, or at least a stern talking-to. Rather than just assuming everything will start ten minutes late, how about we start on-time and just change the time window. I get that it takes time to walk to class, so why not schedule classes in 50 minute time increments instead of 1 hour? It's frustrating to me to see this type of "institutional laziness" not only accepted, but encouraged.

Going home?

I'm standing in the kitchen with some spaghetti cooking on one counter and my computer running on the other. I am trying to figure out if I can afford to go home this weekend to visit my parents in light of the amount of work that I am going to have due next week. Unfortunately it doesn't appear too likely that I'm going to be able to leave unless I have some major breakthroughs tomorrow.

That being said, I would really like to make it to the farm so I can relax and breathe for a day. I'm hoping I can get far enough ahead of my work so that I can do that within the next week or so.

In the mean time, I'll have to be content cooking dinner while I wait for Lauren to come home. Its already been a long day and I'm trying my best to stick to the "no homework at home" goal I've set. So, I return to the spaghetti cooking and will probably rest until my wife returns.

Just when I thought I had it all under control...

So I got an email yesterday from my math prof. She had decided that there wasn't enough homework and that we should do some more..... This happened mere hours after I had completed the original assignment. So, it was back to the computer labs again to find a way to incorporate the necessaryt changes into my program (yes we write computer programs to solve math problems, its far faster than actually doing it by hand..... sometimes)

Aside from that things are going really well today. I got a morning workout in and finished the extra work. I'm now set to spend my day reading journal articles for research.... not a bad life I must say.

Hitting Stride

I went to bed last night feeling a sense of victory. I finished my homework for the first time since starting grad school without having to stay up till 1:00 AM the night before. With that, I was able to get enough sleep and I woke up this morning ready to go. So instead of taking it easy, I attacked my day, got to the gym by 7:15 and ripped through a morning workout.

I like being one step ahead of everything. I finally feel like I am performing at (or at least near) the level I am capable of performing. We'll see if I crash later today but I doubt it. Morning workouts tend to keep me energized all day long.

Hunting ( for churches that is....)

Lauren and I have finally decided to hunt in earnest for a church that we can join. The small Presbyterian church we have been going to in Farmington Hills incorporates a little too much politics for my taste. I don't think an ecological and social justice agenda ought to be pushed in church. I also don't think that a right wing agenda ought to be pushed. Simply put, let me decide how religion shapes my political views.

Lauren has her own objections that focus mostly on the the demographics of the church. Like many churches, it seems like there is a lack of people our age that we can connect with. There are a lot of people in the 60-80 year range and a lot of people in the 30's with kids range. The only time I think I've seen someone in their 20's was Christmas.

So, on to the hunt. Lauren and I have decided identified a few churched to go and check out. Today we are headed to a Presbyterian church in Northville which is slightly larger than the church in Midland,MI my family attends. One encouraging sign is that this church actually appears to be growing so we'll see how today goes.

Lazy Saturday

So I'm sitting here in my living room in the sunshine thinking about how nice it is to simply enjoy the quiet. Lauren is napping in a chair across the room and I'm not too far behind. About the only thing that would make this better is a good book (which I am lacking at the moment) and a dog lying by my side.

Lately I've been wistfully thinking about the mountains. I really need some wide open spaces to go and wander about.... I'm getting restless again. Here is a picture of what I need to find and explore....unfortunately its over 3000 miles away....

I took that while on my honeymoon with Lauren. Now I seem to be captive to the urban (suburban) environment with little in the way of prospects to explore wilderness. That probably won't change while I'm in graduate school at U of M but I amgoing to need to find an outlet at some point.